Cheating is allowed...

I was supposed to do an end of year realisation post like I always do but I was lazy to put myself through this confrontation with the mirror. Writing makes me realise things that I avoid and I didn’t want relationships to be the centre of my end of year realisation because there’s so many things that matter now. I am getting into a phase in my life where real disappointment is a career disappointment, not love. Before I get to the point, I just wanted to say a few things that I learned in 2018: Whenever you make a decision you regret something, no matter what; There are angels among us that come to save us and sometimes we ignore them; If you don’t change, things will keep repeating; Be with people who treat you right, when they stop doing that, move on as fast as you can, don’t focus on how they used to treat you before, that love is gone; Ego stops you from apologising and moving forward…Done!

I hope by now you get my sense of humour and sarcastic ways, so please don’t assume I agree with the title... I completely don't! Let me start by saying I love English and how open this language has allowed me to be. "Allow", funny word, it took me time to understand the real meaning and how it enlightened me. People (Angolans) always wonder why I write in English but how I cannot make use of the language that has opened my mind so many times? English definitely made me wiser...Whenever I write, I think about the people who I want to listen to me and I believe people who speak English understand me because they have been exposed. Don't think about it too much, let's focus on why you came here. 

Well, let me explain my statement ‘Cheating is allowed’…You know when you are young and you misbehave you get a punishment, but you keep doing it, meaning it’s not that bad. You keep doing it because punishments don’t really hurt, that’s what happens in relationships, you are forgiven easily, just couple of screaming and blocking on WhatsApp then you go back to your ways. Men know nothing will happen to them if they cheat that’s why they keep doing it. You know when you getting to know a new guy and someone tells you “he used to cheat on his ex”, that information doesn’t stop you from dating the guy because cheating is never a deal breaker for a woman.

If you are an Angolan you are familiar with the term “corruption”, right? You know why corruption prevailed in Angola and why it keeps prevailing? Because it is allowed…People keep doing it, everyone knows and no one says anything, it’s okay. I remember having a conversation with my aunt about someone in power, she was telling me how much he has stolen and all the horrifying crimes he committed, when I asked her how come he is free, she said “it’s allowed! Everyone does it.” and I guess when everyone does it, it makes it okay. Cheating is a corruption, every man does it… And it’s sad to see how much we have allowed it and how this made us all corrupted, from our minds to our hearts.

I remember years ago I was at my uncle’s event, he had opened a business, I can’t mention which business because people will easily figure out who am I talking about. I looked at him, I was so proud of him, knowing where he came from and how much he accomplished. That day he had a different look, he seemed more ‘daring’…I guess that’s the word. It’s like he snapped, he became a totally different person. Months later, I was having a conversation with a friend and she confessed to me that my uncle used to text her, when I asked her when it started, she said it did at that party. I know it’s cliché to say success or money changes people but that’s the truth…It was like money allowed him to finally do everything he wanted, even cheating.

My uncle was a good husband, he was the ‘good guy type’, he would never think about doing such until money came around. But it was not only money, it was ego. It was about vanity, showing off, do you get me? It was like his whole good guy persona wasn’t enough for him anymore. I figured he wanted people to know, why would he text someone so close? He wanted people to find out, to think "Oh! He got game" "He is a bad guy, a player...". So pathetic! Men cheat because they think it makes them more manly, it’s like they become cool or something…I never met a human being so immature who likes being praised for the wrong things.

Indeed, there are guys who do it to seem “tough” but there’s the ones who really love women. The ones who say they can’t control it, that allegedly it’s in their genes. I can’t disagree, only they know what they feel but I have a question, if you can’t control yourself would you rape someone who doesn’t want it? If you can find it in you to respect a woman in that particular moment when she doesn’t want it, why can’t you do it for the whole relationship? I can go deeper…if every woman is a sex toy for you, a fourteen-year-old girl with woman features would definitely tease you, so would you try just because you can’t control yourself? A man who can’t control himself can easily become a rapist or paedophile…so think about it! If you know there are boundaries why don’t you think about it when you are about to rape your women’s loyalty?

You know realising those things makes me either bitter or mature. I choose the latter…I want to understand men and I know that when I finally do it, I won’t want anything to do with those creatures, they are useless! To be honest I am not afraid of falling into the  ‘feminist angry single with cats’ stereotype, it’s better than “housewife submissive patient married stupid”. But don’t get me wrong, I love men, I really do! And I truly believe in love and I hope that when it comes, it will come with integrity, self-awareness, respect, accountability and loyalty.

Happy valentine’s day to the loyal ones :)