I feel like I should talk or write about it because writing has been my friend for so long, a good friend. It helped me cope with so many things and I think it will help me one more time and bury this drama. When I want to move on from something I write about it then I close the page...
I am a really hopeful
and caring person and even though I have seen so many things in my life that
could have changed me, I never changed...maybe life made a bit bitter. And
I think people who meet me now don't enjoy the joy of meeting the real me.
I wish you could meet me years ago, I was naive and a better person but I guess
maturity comes with a price.
But this not about me,
it's about Claire. I remember when I was younger I couldn't understand why you
didn't live with us...I didn't understand it at all. When I started
understanding things I learned that you had another family which was ok for me
because I had two families, your family was my family, your mother always
treated me kind, your aunts, cousins became my cousins...But I still wanted to
make up for you since you didn't live with us. It made me sad that you couldn't
enjoy our dad 24 hours because he means the world to me and I couldn't image
not living with him. It would kill me! So I always tried to make up for you, I
always did everything you wanted me to do because I wanted you to be as happy
as I was having my family together...
I am really aware of
the crazy things around the world and how crazy life can make you...I always
come up with theories for everything, some are feasible, others are just
insane. I think girls raised by a single mom are evil! PERIOD! Let me explain
my theory...it doesn't apply to everyone and please don't be offended! But I
have seen several cases that back up my theory. Girls who are raised by single
moms grow up listening to them complaining about being lonely, the fact that
their father left them, having to pay all the bills and bla bla...so they get
attached to their pain and it becomes their own pain. They don't believe in man
and they are really jealous and resentful people. And the last but not least,
and a very common fact is: they hate their stepmom!...for no reason...If you
are not cinderella you don't have a good reason to be angry at your stepmom!
LOL
Back to Claire's
story...So I always felt the need to do everything you wanted me to do...and
for me, it was ok because I was younger and you were my biggest idol...I look
up to you so much for being strong, opinionated and smart...but as I
got older I started to see the real you.
I was always happy when
you came around to spend the weekend with us but I started to notice that the
mood in our house changed instantly. I could see that your presence disturbed
our happiness, yes it did! We really loved you but it was difficult to keep up
with your sour personality. I could see that my mother tried...she really tried
for you to accept her... but your "single mom's daughter syndrome"
didn't help her. You made her life miserable but she didn't give up, she cared
for you and she did everything possible to make up for you for not having our
dad 24 hours...Sometimes I think she took to the extreme, buying you things,
giving you expensive things which fed your ego and your bad habits (we will not
go further in this matter lol).
She tried to buy your
love and I think that's the only thing she did wrong, THE ONLY! Cuz to be
honest my mom is literally perfect...she has the biggest heart in the planet! I
can see that now but when I was younger I couldn't, thanks to you! You were
very manipulative, controlling and you knew you could use me. And we all
allowed you to be that person because we felt like we owned you something. We
thought we owed you a family...
But today I came to my
senses, I don't own you anything and you need to stop! Stop throwing me under
the bus and paint me as a serial killer. We pretended we didn't see the person
you were becoming and we always protected you and covered up your mess. But
this time you took things too far, playing the victim card.
Even though you made me
feel so miserable so many times I always cared for you and I wanted to protect
you... And that's what I did. But you always denied my love because it wasn't
enough for you because of the fact that my birth stole your "perfect
family" (never existed!). You aways questioned my intentions even when I
had the best interest at heart. I don't want to expose you like you did to me
but I need to move on from this.
You did so many things
and I pretended I didn't see them because it was better to tell my heart that
my sister loved me. Even when I tried to save you I received torture in
exchange for my love.
I knew this was going
to happen and it happened...sometimes when you predict bad things, you become a
bad person but I really prayed that my worries were wrong. I was only
protecting you and I was worried about you...and I still went out of my way to
help you but I failed. But I give up because that's not my duty, I am not the
older sister here!
When you started this
chaos I ignored it because I thought you knew me better than that and you were
aware of my warmth. You wanted to dodge the bullet and blame it on me...And I
accepted it because that's what family do. And I am used to being the bad
one...I didn't care in the beginning because I think people believe what is
convenient for them. They see the truth they want to see...And I know real
people know real people so the people who believed in this psycho story that
you created were not worth my time.
Even though we will
never have a relationship ever because I will make sure it won't happen I am
happy that you experienced birth and I hope it makes you more human...I wish
you well...
Photo credit: https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-surprising-science-behind-friendship-11581256802
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